The Death Of Me

"That would be the death of me." I was thinking about this earlier tonight. It's a phrase I've used, as many folks have. It totally hit me, exactly what the death of me would be. What is it? I'll tell you. Flying spiders. FORGET THAT! Shit, I already have the world's worst arachnophobia. Imagine if they were like flies or mosquitoes? I world be in a cold sweat 24/7. Just sayin'.

Clear Dad

I recently remembered this idea that I had from the days when I made skits and had my public access show. I had a commercial idea for a fake sitcom called "Clear Dad". It was about a family with a teenage son, a younger brother or two, a mother and an invisible father who didn't talk. One scene I always pictured was the teenage son with his friends in his bedroom smoking pot. In one scene, in the smoke, you would see an angry face, and all the boys would freak out. "Crap! Your dad's in here!!" That's all.

Shopping Mall Shenanigans

I forced myself to go the mall earlier. Now I normally don't like standing on escalators and waiting. I prefer to walk up them cause it's quicker. So I'm on my way out, walking up the escalator, and as I'm getting off it, this guy who is obviously not paying attention starts walking down it and almost falls. The guy thought I was walking up regular stairs. I almost lost it right there!

(4-29-06)

Flea Market Shenanigans

My friend Anne and I went to the Jewett City flea market today. I was on a mission for new Atari 2600 games for the ol' collection. After searching every room on both floors, I found only one box of games, and I have each one that was in the box. Big let down, that. However, they had plenty of Playstation and N64 and all of that newer junk. What the hell? Funny thing, they had a taxidermy of a raccoon, a pheasant, and a fox. It grossed us out. I noticed that the raccoon had a missing finger, and then noticed that the finger was on the base. It just broke off I guess. Now THAT'S something worth buying, right? Anyway, all that crapola, and I found NOTHING I would ever want to own.

Last time I went was four years ago with my friend Mike. There were these teenage girls walking around and hanging out, giggling and all that. We coined a term for them. See, Jewett City is a total hick town and there's nothing there, so we decided that the Sunday flea market is their version of a mall. So that would make them "flea rats" instead of "mall rats". Haha. Anyway....

(9-11-06)

Jon Interview Shenanigans

I had this job interview yesterday, and I got to pull out a Mitch Hedberg joke! The woman (who was a kook anyway) asked me where I saw myself in six months, and I responded with "celebrating the sixth month anniversary of you asking me that question". Ha

(4-6-06)

Sausage Sandwich

This is gross, but today, I was remembering a cruel joke I wanted to play on a friend of mine when I was about 9 or 10. I had found these two dog turds in my front yard, and my idea was to place them between two slices of bread and put it in a Ziplock bag, and then present it to my friend as a sausage sandwich that I didn't want. Of course, I didn't do it. Even then, I had too much of a conscience!

(5-7-06)

Freddie Mercury Dream...

I had a dream last night where I somehow had the ability to sing like Freddie Mercury. In the dream, me and Freddie were recording a duet, but it didn't matter because it sounded like it was just him singing on it. Quite strange. However not the first Freddie Mercury dream I've had. I think the last one was when I was about 11 or 12 years old, but I've forgotten that dream, so....

(6-4-06)